


Wowie, Yet Another Michael In The Bathroom Fic?

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Blood, Depression, He's just an idiot a lot of the time, I Tried, I don't swear, It may seem like I hate Jeremy but I swear I don't, It’s not really shippy, M/M, Other, Please don't read if you can't handle self harm or suicide attempts or stuff like that, Self-Harm, So..., Sorry if it's OOC, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, at least I think so, it’s just depressing, oh well, stay safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 23:40:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13512180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Oh yeah, what was that kid's name again? Max? You know, the one with the red hoodie and headphones. I wonder what happened to him."Hey this isn't done yet, I only posted it because the draft was about to be automatically deleted.





	1. Chapter 1

Michael sat in the bathtub, his knees curled into his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs, debating whether or not to go and find Jeremy to tell him what he found out. 

Michael jumped up when he heard the door swing open, peeking out from the curtain to see who decided to barge into his fortress of over thinking.  
  
The dark haired boy almost fell over when he saw his former best friend sitting on the toilet (not in that way, silly), taking in several deep breaths.  
  
_Better now than never_ , Michael thought before quickly (and loudly) pulling back the curtains, causing Jeremy to flinch and look in the direction where the noise came from, face contorting in confusion when he saw Michael standing there.  
  
"Sup." Michael said, faking a nonchalant expression.  
  
"Michael? I didn't know you were invited to this party." Jeremy said, confused.  
  
"I wasn't, which is why I'm wearing" Michael gestures towards his CREEPS sweater, "this clever disguise!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"You're speechless, Squip got your tongue?" Michael couldn't help the bitter comment, angry that his best friend was just now talking to him again. He stepped out of the bathtub and stood in front of Jeremy, crossing his arms.  
  
"It's... off." Jeremy said, staring at the tile floor.  
  
"Ah, that explains why you're talking to me." Again, Michael was still pretty pissed about the ignoring, but mostly hurt. He remembered those words that Jeremy said to him, seemingly so earnestly, "We're never not gonna be a team." Was everything Jeremy said to him a lie, a ruse?

  
Michael shook that thought from his head, focusing on the task in front of him.  
  
"I've been thinking about this moment. What would I say to you? I had this really pissed off monologue, an epic journey through twelve years of friendship..." Michael trailed off when he noticed Jeremy still basically gaping at him. "What?"  
  
"It's really good to see you, man." Jeremy smiled.  
  
The Filipino boy was taken aback at that. Of all the things to come out of Jeremy's mouth, he didn't expect that. Michael almost grinned, ready to scrap his plan and forgive Jeremy immediately.  
  
_Focus_ , he thought. _You need to tell him, it's for his own good._  
  
"It won't be, once you hear what I've found out." Jeremy's smile dropped, and he wanted to take it back immediately, anything to put that smile back on the freckled boy's face.  
  
"Found out?" Jeremy asked shakily.  
  
"About..." Michael tapped the side of his head, hoping Jeremy got the message.  
  
He did.  
  
"How? There's nothing on the internet-" Michael cut him off, trying to breeze through it as quickly as possible, like ripping off a band aid.  
  
"Which is weird, right? I mean, what's not on the internet? So, I start asking around. Finally, this guy I play Warcraft with told me about how his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard. You know where he is now?" Michael asked, knowing Jeremy wouldn't like the answer.  
  
"Really happy and successful?" Jeremy said, but even he didn't seem to believe it.  
  
Michael sighed, this was gonna be harder than he had thought.  
  
"He's in a mental hospital. Totally lost it." Michael didn't look at Jeremy, afraid of his reaction.  
  
"I don't see what this has to do with..." Jeremy trailed off, knowing Michael knew what he meant.  
  
Michael was getting tired of Jeremy's act, because he honestly couldn't actually be that clueless.  
  
"Think, man! We're talking an insanely powerful supercomputer here. Do you really think its primary function is to get you laid?! Who made them? How'd they end up in a high school? In New Jersey? Of all possible applications for such a mind blowingly advanced technology, do you ever wonder what it's doing  _inside_  you?" Michael ranted, mentally pleading with Jeremy to finally understand.  
  
Silence, and then...  
  
"Wow, and I thought Chloe was jealous." Jeremy might as well have slapped Michael in the face, but still, Michael persisted.  
  
"I'm honestly asking!" Michael strayed from incredulous yelling, now on the edge of pleading with his best friend.  
  
"Really? Because I think you're pissed I have one and you don't!" Jeremy yelled, glaring venomously at Michael.  
  
Ouch. Did Jeremy really think so low of Michael? Did he think that Michael was  _that bad_  of a friend?  
  
"Come on-" Michael tried, only to be cut off.  
  
"Maybe I got lucky. Is that so weird? With my history, I'd say the universe owed me one. I don't know about your friend's brother, but if you're telling me that his Squip made him crazy-" now it was Michael's turn to cut the other off.  
  
"His Squip didn't make him crazy." Jeremy went quiet.  
  
"Oh. Well, there you go."   
  
Crap, Jeremy was gonna hate him so much after this.  
  
"He went crazy trying to get it out!" Michael exclaimed, grabbing Jeremy by the shoulders, hoping and praying that Jeremy could see the desperation in his eyes.  _Come on, Jer, you gotta believe me._  
  
Jeremy shoved Michael off him.  
  
"Then I've got nothing to worry about. Why would I want that?" Jeremy started to walk to the door, but Michael jumped in front of him. He had to say something to convince him, he had to save him, before-  
  
"Move it." Jeremy said in a cold voice that Michael's never heard before.  
  
"Or you'll what?" the taller boy's voice cracked as he looked down at his best friend.  
  
"Get out of my way, loser." Michael's heart dropped as the curly haired boy shoved him aside, walking out of the bathroom and closing the door with a final thud.  
  
Michael slid to the floor, having half a mind to reach up and turn the lock on the doorknob, preserving his solitude.  
  
The brunette could feel his heart speeding up, his breathing becoming quicker an shallower as he started to panic.  
  
His crisis was put on pause as a voice (Jenna Rolan, his mind dully supplied) screeched from the other side of the door.  
  
"Hello?! Some of us have to pee!" _Quick, think of something that'll make her go away._ Michael looked over and saw a used tampon in the waste basket. Gross.  
  
"Uh, I'm having my period!" Michael summoned the best falsetto he could, cringing at the result, thinking Jenna would see straight through his lie.  
  
It was silent for a few, painstaking moments, and then-  
  
"Take your time, honey." Michael sighed in relief as he heard footsteps getting quieter as Jenna left, leaving him alone.  
  
Just like Jeremy.

Michael tried to find anything that could defend or explain Jeremy's actions.   
  
The Squip! Yes, that must be why he was acting like that.

 _Except_ , a dark part of his mind thought,  _Jeremy said the Squip was off. He must just genuinely think of you as a loser. How could you blame him, he's right and you know it. You're nothing but a burden to him, no wonder he got rid of you the first chance he had._  
  
How long had Jeremy thought of Michael like that? Were they ever truly best friends, or did Jeremy just pity how pathetic Michael was?

Michael felt tears prick at his eyes and tried to will them away, pushing the bad thoughts from his head.

 _Don't cry_ , he thought,  _Jeremy's not worth the tears._  
  
_If you really believed that, you wouldn't be here in this mess, now would you?_ The dark thoughts were creeping back into his mind.  
  
The sweater clad boy tried to fight off his own thoughts, but soon he became tired and just let then consume him.  
  
_He doesn't care about you. He never did, it was all in your head._  
  
Michael thought about Jeremy's smiles, how he had said, "You know that you’re my favorite person," with a heartwarming grin.  
  
Dang, no wonder Jeremy joined the play, he was a pretty good actor.  
  
_He wouldn't even notice if I..._  No Michael, don't think like that, he mentally berated himself, but the dark thoughts kept creeping into his mind.

Would anyone even notice? Definitely not, now that his best friend had abandoned him, there was nothing stopping him. Nothing to live for.

His parents would be too busy to even miss their son, no one at school would even remember his name. Michael thought of what they might say.

 _"Oh yeah, what was that kid's name again? Max? You know, the one with the red hoodie and headphones. I wonder what happened to him."_  
  
The sweater clad boy decided on what to do, and called his mom. She didn’t answer, unsurprisingly, so he left her a voicemail, proceeding to call Jeremy and his dad with the same result. He left them voicemails, too.

Suddenly someone started banging on the door. Michael got up, remembering where he was, slowly unlocking the door, when the banging stopped. Michael sighed and sat back down, his back against the door.

Feeling the full weight of what he was about to do, Michael remembered his and Jeremy's deal they made in ninth grade.

*flashback*

_"Just promise me one more thing." Jeremy said seriously, and Michael nodded for him to continue, "You won't ever do this to yourself again."_

_" I'll try, but only if you promise to never leave me and to always be my best friend." Michael said this with a grin, but it was a serious fear for him. He had been abandoned by so-called "friends" one too many times, giving him both trust and abandonment issues. It had been hard for him to befriend Jeremy, not wanting to be hurt again, but Jeremy was always good at making Michael feel like he could be himself, like Michael could trust him._

_"I would never! You're my favorite person, dude." Jeremy said, offended that he would even begin to think that he would do that to Michael._

_Michael blushed at Jeremy's compliment, but tried to hide it._

_"Thanks dude. So, it's a deal?" The dark haired boy stuck out his hand._

_Jeremy took it, shaking it firmly and looking Michael directly in the eye._

_This was the moment that Michael knew he could trust this boy with anything and everything_.

 *end of flashback*

Jeremy _lied_ to him. It was obvious now that Michael was worthless to Jeremy, only seen as something to use and throw away once something better came along.

Michael let out the sob he'd been holding in.

 _It's my fault, too,_ Michael thought.  _It's my fault that I'm such a loser_ _. Maybe if I wasn't such a weirdo, Jeremy would actually want me. No wonder he hates me. I hate me, too._

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, Michael wiped at his eyes and shakily pulled up his sleeves, revealing faded scars from long ago. He had tried  _so_ hard to keep his part of the deal, and he had actually succeeded, up until now.

For a split second, Michael hesitated. He thought back to his promise to Jeremy, and how disappointed he'd be.

 _Wait_ , Michael thought, _why would Jeremy care? He obviously never actually cared about me. Plus, he broke his part of the deal, too._

With that thought, Michael stood up and walked over to the cabinet, rummaging around for a razor.  
  
_Bingo_.  
  
The dark haired boy carefully took the razor apart, taking out a blade and resuming his position on the floor.

He made some experimental cuts, satisfied that the razor was new and of good quality.  
  
Michael knew he had to cut pretty deep if he wanted to do this right, so Michael took a deep breath and summoned all his courage, stabbing the flimsy blade into his flesh and dragging it up his arm.  
  
Michael cried out, as the pain was excruciating, the blood was getting everywhere.

 _I should've run a bath or something before this,_ Michael hazily thought.  
  
The pain was getting to be too much, as the edges of his vision started darkening.  
  
Summoning his remaining strength, Michael weakly crawled to the toilet and puked his guts out, proceeding to collapse on the floor.

He was tired, so tired. Michael felt his eyelids grow heavy, distantly hearing the banging on the door before darkness overtook him.


	2. Chapter 2

 Michael woke to bright lights.  

_Am I in Heaven?_ Michael wondered distantly. 

As his eyes adjusted, the boy realized that he was not, in fact, in Heaven, but a hospital room. 

The brunette was confused for a brief moment before the events from the previous night came flooding back.

Michael was startled out of his thoughts by a groan. 

The Filipino boy looked over to see that he wasn't alone in his hospital room. 

Sitting beside him in another hospital bed, was a small boy wrapped from head to toe in bandages. 

Michael couldn't help but feel a bit bad, this boy must've been hurt pretty bad, and judging from his size, he couldn't be any older than twelve.

"Uh, hey." Michael said tentatively, looking over at the young boy.

The boy jerked his head over to look at Michael, obviously not expecting to have anyone else in the room.

Once the boy spotted Michael, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Headphones? What are you doing here?" The boy had a slight lisp, but that's not what confused Michael. What confused Michael was that the boy's voice and nickname for him was familiar. Only one person has ever called him that...

"Rich?!" Michael was surprised, but mostly embarrassed that he thought Rich was a twelve year old boy.

Rich rolled his russet eyes and muttered something, but it was muffled by the bandages around his face.

"Sorry, dude. I can't really hear you." Michael said apologetically.

Rich reached up, wincing, and pulled the bandages off his face, revealing his messy dirty blond hair and the burns all along his left cheek and disappearing into the bandages on his neck.

"I said," Rich glared at Michael, "what the f*** are you doing in the hospital?" Rich's words were cold, but something flashed in his eyes, looking almost like guilt.

"Oh, um, it's a long story." Michael looked down at his bandaged arm, avoiding eye contact. 

Rich scoffed, "Newsflash, gay a**, I'm not exactly in any position to leave any time soon."

Michael was saved by a nurse walking into the room.

"Hi, boys. How’re you feeling?” The nurse had kind green eyes and blonde hair. She was probably around the same age as Michael’s parents, but the deep bags under her eyes made her seem much older.

“Uh, okay, I guess? Hungry?” Michael tried for a grin.

The nurse chuckled and walked to Michael’s bedside, checking his vitals and making small talk. From this close Michael could read her name tag. Heidi. Huh. 

“Yeah, I’d be surprised if you weren’t. You’ve been out for a few days.” Heidi replied, walking over to Rich’s bedside to check his vitals, as well.

“Okay, I’m gonna go get you guys some food.” Heidi winked at Michael, then left the room.

_Heidi seems like she’d be a good mom,_ Michael thought, looking down at his lap. 

_Do_  my  _parents even know where I am?_ Michael’s heart dropped at the thought that his parents might not even know (or care) that he’s in the hospital.

He looked over at the small table next to him, seeing his phone and grabbing it.

He didn’t have any new messages or missed calls.

Of course.

It was gonna be just like last time.

Well, except Jeremy wasn’t there for him this time.

Heidi came back in with food and gave it to both boys, checking their vitals again and making small talk before leaving the room again.

Michael didn’t notice how quiet it was until after Heidi had left for the second time.

Looking over at Rich, Michael saw the boy staring off in the other direction, awkwardly twiddling his thumbs.

Michael had never felt so lonely with another person.

————— 

The next week, Michael was walking into the school with his signature red hoodie on, the garment covering his bandaged arm.

His big headphones were blasting out Bob Marley in an attempt to block out his surroundings.

It didn’t work.

With a sigh, Michael took his headphones off and hung them around his neck, still able to hear the faint music from them.

Michael felt like he was the subject of every whisper, that everyone’s eyes were on him.

Well, all except one.

Jeremy was standing at their shared locker, mumbling to himself as he shoved his stuff into the locker.

Michael swore he could hear the sound of his heart breaking as Jeremy turned around, standing mere feet away from Michael but still unable to see him.

Michael just didn’t expect Jeremy to walk right into him.

Jeremy stumbled back, looking up at Michael as his eyes finally cleared of the fog that always appears when Michael’s around.

 Michael felt a flurry of emotions as Jeremy stared up into his eyes, disbelief obvious on his face. 

“M-Michael?” Jeremy’s eyebrows furrowed, utterly confused.

Hearing that one stutter come out of Jeremy’s mouth, Michael came to a decision.

Michael drew back his shoulders, hardened his face and pushed past Jeremy, walking to his class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okok, so I’m gonna post an alternate ending, because I really want to write something about someone finding Michael, so hopefully that won’t take as long as this chapter did


End file.
